About Me

A Miserable Failure

Here’s a taste of what I’ve done the past few weeks while I have not been blogging.

1. Fixing a roof damaged by Hurricane Ike.

2. Getting my home ready to rent. (Fixing a roof damaged by Hurricane Ike, repairing plumbing in the kitchen and master bathroom, painting, repairing ceiling pop-outs, putting in new ceiling fans, hanging a back door, etc…)

3. Finding renters without the aid of an agency that would suck out more money than we could afford to lose on the house. 

4. Negotiating with movers for both our house and my car.

5. Looking for schools and homes in a city over 1,000 miles away.

6. Trying to spend time with everyone who wants to say “goodbye.” 

7. Trying to help my 5-year old emotionally negotiate the first major change in her life. (As if I don’t need to emotionally negotiate the same thing.)

8. Working with a landlord 1,000 miles away.

9. Cleaning out the old and embracing the new.

10. A million other things.

Trust me, I’m not complaining. This is a God-ordained move for our family. But it has been a lot to deal with, not to mention the glorious new work that awaits me when I arrive. 

But through this time, I have learned that I’m a miserable failure at one BIG thing: NOT WORRYING. Truthfully, I’m about to give myself an ulcer with all this no matter how hard I try not to.

I’ve never considered myself a control freak, but it is the lack of control right now that is driving me crazy. Someone else will be living in my house, someone else will pack and move my things. Someone else will drive my car to California, and the loss of control makes me worry. I’m experiencing a feeling very similar to the one I had when our first daughter was born; when I realized I was much more selfish than I ever imagined. 

So this morning, I turned scripture in the hopes that something might lower my blood pressure. I read these words: “So do not consume yourselves with questions: What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear? Outsiders make themselves frantic over questions — they don’t realize that your heavenly Father knows exactly what you need. Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and then all these things will be given to you too. So do not worry about tomorrow. Let tomorrow worry about itself. Living faithfully is a large enough task for today. (Matthew 6.31-34 The Voice)”

My prayer is to better live these words. I have discovered that Jesus is correct (imagine that) and I cannot add to my life by worrying about it. At every step of the way during this transition, God has been faithful and every prayer has been answered. And answered big! I’m discovering that it is when we do not trust in God and allow “control” are the times when our lives begin to fail, not vice versa.

So, I ask you to pray for me and my family and I will pray for you. Let us remember together that God is sovereign and God is good. Everything else is everything else.

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