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It’s Not You…It’s Ministry

Please welcome today’s Guest Blogger, Rochelle Palmer. Rochelle is a social worker, mother, Bible class teacher, generally awesome woman and a pastor’s wife. Yes, in fact, she is my wife. As the wife and daughter of a Senior Minister, Rochelle knows ministry inside and out. She particularly knows the pressures and privileges of ministry life. You can follow Rochelle on Twitter here.

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For years I was a reluctant leader.  I resisted the idea that my husband’s vocation was anything more than the result of a choice he made to pursue a particular area of education.  As a preacher’s kid, I was well-versed in the inner workings of church life and I determined I would not be a “sweet, lil’ preacher’s wife” who baked endless brownies and casseroles for every gathering and delighted in the giftedness of my husband while balancing umpteen babies on my hip as I rearranged the church kitchen and smiled as women around me offered “advice” on my marriage and role.  Interesting, I have never actually met a preacher’s wife like that – but I fear that she exists.  More, I fear that she is what the people in the pews expect me to be.

But as God is and does, God changed my heart and mind toward this life of vocational ministry – both Sean’s and my own.  Through our marriage and service at 3 churches, I have moved from seeing Sean’s position as a “job like any other” to what it really is:  A calling.  The events in our lives that led us to ministry began in our early adolescence and can be traced throughout our lives, like a dot-to-dot.  God has used many years and innumerable persons to open my heart to His dream for my life and to let me know that my place as a leader was HIS choice.  I can resist and resent it, but like many others whose stories are recorded in Scripture, I will do what God has called me to do, eventually.

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The Rules #5 The Speed of Dating

This is the 5th installment in our “The Rules for Dating” series. You can find the previous posts here, here, here, and here.

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Up until now you’ve probably dated at the wrong speed.

Here’s how it typically happens: Boy meets girl. Boy likes girl. Boy ask girl out. Boy and girl go out. If girls likes boy they go out again. If they enjoy being together they have the DTR (Defining The Relationship) conversation and they are soon boyfriend and girlfriend. And depending on your faith and love commitments, many of the couples are doing whatever they believe is appropriate for boyfriends and girlfriends to do.

Wow! That’s fast.

The entire thing can happen in less than a month. Sometimes it happens in a few weeks. I want to suggest that that’s too fast. What’s more, I want to suggest that when the relationship goes south, boyfriend and girlfriend – who got together in less than a month – waste a lot of time and energy NOT going ahead and breaking up quickly.

I once heard a Christian business man say, “You should hire slowly and fire quickly.” And I think the same is true for who you date. Remember, the dating process is about finding a spouse and creating a life together. You can call another kind of friend if you just want to go to the movies. Take the dating process seriously.  Therefore – and I know this sounds cold and unromantic – you should treat your season of dating like a job interview.

Hire slowly.

How?
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Permission To Be

I’ve been attempting to pray the daily office with Thomas Merton’s book, A Book Of Hours. Rochelle gave it to me at Christmas. It didn’t take long for me to realize that my life in no way is arranged to pray the hours. So I’ve been doing what I can when I can.

This past Sunday morning after I did final sermon edits, I sat down with Merton and read these words: “The most wonderful moment of the day is that when creation in its innocence asks permission to “be” once again, as it did on the first morning that ever was.”

This struck me for a lot of reasons, the least of which was the fact that at that moment the dawn was just breaking, the sun beginning to rise. These words reminded me of the complete dependency of creation on the will of her Creator — myself included. I was humbled again by humankind’s feeble, immature and useless attempts to reduce God into something quantifiable; something that we can control and/or master. People have tried to control God with doctrine, particular denominational practices, oppressive congregational authority, and any number of hurtful ways. Yet God defies these attempts. How silly to imagine that any of our hermeneutical or theological systems could contain the very God from whom permission to exist must come.

Perhaps when the Scriptures remind us that creation sings the glory of God there is a not-so-subtle reminder for us that God is simply too grand, too big for us to manage or manipulate. After all, most of us cannot manage our lawns, much less the God of creation. And, perhaps, in the face of all our prideful blubbering, boasting, and grasping for power, influence and control, we too, should rejoice in God that He has given us breath and “permission to be once again.”

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Footnote: For those of you checking back to read my review of Edward Fudge’s upcoming commentary on the book of Hebrews, the publisher has asked that the review be held so that it will coincide with the release of the book. This is standard. I the same thing when asked to review Dear Church: Letters From a Disillusioned Generation and The Voice: New Testament. As the publication date draws near, I will post the review, as well as an interview with Mr. Fudge regarding the commentary.

My Favorite Pray-er

In so many ways my wife, Rochelle, is my inspiration. More than the dismissive “wing beneath my wings,” she is the very breath that gives me life. She challenges my thinking (which is the reason I married her). She refines my rough edges,  tells me when I’m off base, and lets me know when what I’m about to say or write shouldn’t be said or written.

So today, I’m posting a prayer she wrote. The prayer itself is about a year old. It appeared on Edward Fudge’s GracEmail last year and was reprinted in at least one church bulletin with which we have no connection. Though the prayer is a year old, the ideas are as fresh and needed. Here you go…

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Heavenly Father, our Redeemer, Friend and Lord,

We come before you to worship you. We live to bring glory to your name, to testify that you alone are worthy and righteous, full of truth, the Giver of life.  You alone are God.  We, your children, stand before you in need of your grace, for we have sinned against you and against your creation.

We confess that we have allowed our thirst for truth to be satisfied by what is false.
We have traded our desire for what is holy and accepted what is common.
For this, we seek your forgiveness.

We confess the sins of our lips, for words spoken harshly to others, for words spoken about others, and for our failure to speak of you to those around us in need of your love.
For this, we seek your forgiveness.

We confess that we have ignored the poor and the orphan.  We have forgotten the prisoner and the widow.
We confess we have sought justice for ourselves and left the foreigner, the minority, to fend for himself.
We confess we have used our resources to meet our own desires and have not dedicated them to your purposes and glory.
For this, we seek your forgiveness.

We confess that at times we have made ourselves the judge, deciding what sins are forgivable and what sins are not…
We confess acting as judge, claiming to know who is included in your kingdom and who is not…
For this, we seek your forgiveness.

O, Father, we are in need of your grace.  In this moment, through this service, renew us.  Transform us.  Make us selfless and courageous, that we may step boldly into and participate in your redemptive work in the world.

We thank you for your steadfast love that grants us new mercies each day.
We thank you for your redeeming love that allows us to know you, to know others and that allows us to love freely, without prejudice or hesitation.

Now, to You, O Creator, King of all ages, immortal, invisible, the only true and living God, be honor and glory forever and ever.  Amen.

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P.S. There’s some language in the prayer she might change now, but you’ll have to talk to her about that.

The Coolest Thing

I’m doing the coolest thing right now, I’m hearing my wife speak at the Pepperdine Bible Lectures. She’s great!

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